Saturday, July 21, 2007

Doctors Attempt to Locate George Bush's Head

George Bush will undergo a colonoscopy this Saturday at Camp David which will require him to relinquish control of the presidency to Vice President Dick Cheney.

Bush will be undergoing the procedure so doctors can attempt to extract President Bush's head from his ass.

Dr. Mark Wittenberg, White House Physician, will be performing the procedure on the President. "It is a fairly complicated procedure," explained the Dr., "at this point we don't know how far up his ass his head actually is or if we will be able to remove it successfully." Doctors became concerned about the presidents head up his ass due to the length of time it has been inserted. While the president has been known to stick his head up his ass on many occasions, usually it was never for more than a week at a time. But this currently, Bush's head last went up his ass April 21st, 2005 and has not been seen since.

"Sticking your head up your ass is a fairly common occurrence for politicians," further explained the Dr., "but it is only safe in moderation. You can't breath in there and you need to remove your head every once in a while to get a breath of fresh air. At this point, the presidents head has been up his ass so long that, at minimum, he has suffered severe brain damage. He might actually be dead at this point and we wouldn't even know it until we get the camera in there to see. At this point, our only hope is that his head is so far up his ass that he has actually made it up to the trachea and is able to get some air that way. While we have never seen someone with their head so far up their asses as to be able to do this, it would explain a lot about his policy decisions."

Prior attempts to get Bush's head out have been unsuccessful. Laura Bush has attempted to cajole Georges head out numerous times and Dr.s have tried using lubrication and a crow bar, but Bush is either unwilling or unable to get his head out of his ass. Bush was responsive to outside stimuli as late as December of 2006. Doctors could hear President Bush giggle if they placed a stethoscope on his abdomen and than told him a fart joke. Unfortunately, the president has been unresponsive to even 3rd grade underwear jokes during his last two examinations.

This story, unfortunately, is not limited to only the president explained Dr. Wittenberg. "We have seen an epidemic of people with their heads up there ass over the last 5 years." Recent estimates from the CDC place the number of Americans with the heads up there ass anywhere from 27-31% of the American population. While the numbers are high, this is down from approximately 51% of the population with their heads up their ass in November of 2004. "We are making progress," claimed the Dr., "but we still have a long way to go. While most of the American people have woken up to the dangers of leaving their heads up there ass, there is still a huge number of people that have been living with this condition for a very long time. We hope to be able to educate these remaining citizens so they too may once again live an ass free existence.

"Cross your fingers and pray," asked Dr. Wittenberg of the American people in regards to the presidents procedure, "Neither the president or the American people can survive much longer with the presidents head up his ass."

Bush to have colonoscopy at Camp David

Bush Will Temporarily Hand Reins To Cheney

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Fred Thompson? Seriously?

The republicans must really be in big problems if they see Fred Thompson as their savior in 2008. Thompson is long in the reputation as being lazy and an absolute minimalist, only doing things for recognition and not for purpose.

While a Senator, his legislative history was as thin as Kate Moss after a bad bout with the stomach flu. A former aide is quoted as saying:

"While the Senate is filled with ambitious men who aren't in a rush to get home at night, Senator Thompson kept a lean formal schedule, did the bare minimum to get by and then hightailed [it] to the Prime Rib or the Capital Grille."

Another lobbyist is quoted as saying

"He was viewed as a lazy son of gun who would say at two in the afternoon, 'I'm done.' Can you name one major piece of legislation he authored? I can't."

But his pension for apathy stretches his entire adult life.

His high school football coach in Lawrenceburg, Tenn., told the Nashville Tennessean, "He was smart, but he was lazy. He probably could have been a straight-A student if he'd applied himself."

Another former coach commented on his need for attention at the cost of his team:

``He wasn't a real good football player because he liked to have fun and didn't take it that serious,'' said Garner Ezell, 74, a former assistant coach for the team. ``He was popular and he liked attention, and would do things to get it.''

In one incident recalled by Ezell and others, Thompson appeared to be injured during a game. The coach ran out to see if he was all right and a smiling Thompson greeted him by asking, ``How's the crowd taking it?''

But, even if he is lazy and narcissistic, that doesn't even start to touch his other pension for corruption and the subsequent cover ups.

Thompson was the lead in procuring a legal defense fund for Scooter Libby after Libbey lied to the grand jury and was prosecuted for perjury. So, we already know that Thompson shares the Bush doctrine of "its only a crime if I say it is a crime."

Additionally, while Thompson has touted himself as a hard nose prosecutor during the Watergate scandal, it is now shown that he was a friend to the Nixon white house and even tipped the white house off that the infamous tapes were known about. So, the corrupt Nixon white house viewed him as an asset in the cover up even while calling him "dumb as hell" and viewing him as lackluster.

The political ads will be fun to watch if he is to pull down the GOP nomination. Americans are tired of the corruption in Washington and Fred Thompson is tied directly to it.

He is a fine nominee in my opinion since I want a democrat elected, but the fact that he is doing so well with republicans absolutely floors me. Do they really think that we want 4 more years of secret government, corruption and malfeasance... that is if he is actually motivated enough to do malfeasance. Otherwise, it looks like it would be 4 years of a lazy administration not fixing domestic affairs, not fixing foreign affairs, and 4 years of prime rib dinners.

Thompson and Watergate

Thompson's Backers Check His `Fire in the Belly' for 2008 Race

Thompson paints down-home image

A New Role for Fred Thompson

Friday, July 13, 2007

Iran to Require Payment in Other Currencies

Ok, I have taken some time off from blogging to take care of other things, but things are starting to heat up again so, I thought I would chime in again.

We know things in the economy are slowly sliding down hill. People are watching the hosing bubble burst and think that this is pretty bad.

Well, that ain't the half of it. Today, the "fit hit the shan." Things are about to get down right ugly for us here in the good ol' U.S. of A. Today, Iran announced that it would require Japan to pay for its oil imports in Yen instead of U.S. dollars.

This might not sound so disturbing to the average person. But it should scare the snot right out of you. The dollar has already slid tremendously in the past year. Now, it is going to crash. The one thing that holds up the dollars value is the fact that all oil is bought and sold in U.S. dollars. This means that all the countries around the world must hold quite a bit of U.S. currency in order to buy oil. Russia is also thinking about converting to the Euro since it has better buying power.

Our economy is going to take huge hit with this. As more and more countries switch away, things will get worse and worse and we will see the same type of stagflation that we saw in the late 70's.

Why is Iran hitting Japan? Because it is one of the biggest U.S. allies that does not have sway on the UN security council.

Iran Asks Japan to Pay Yen for Oil, Start Immediately (Update3)

By Megumi Yamanaka

July 13 (Bloomberg) -- Iran asked Japanese refiners to switch to the yen to pay for all crude oil purchases, after Iran's central bank said it is reducing holdings of the U.S. dollar.

Iran wants yen-based transactions ``for any/all of your forthcoming Iranian crude oil liftings,'' according to a letter sent to Japanese refiners that was signed by Ali A. Arshi, general manager of crude oil marketing and exports in Tehran at the National Iranian Oil Co. The request is for all shipments ``effective immediately,'' according to the letter, dated July 10 and obtained by Bloomberg News.

The yen rose on speculation for an increase in demand for the currency, the result of Japan's annual 1.24 trillion yen ($10.1 billion) of oil imports from Iran. Central bankers in Venezuela, Indonesia and the United Arab Emirates have said they will invest less of their reserves in dollar assets because of the weakening currency.

``What else can Japan do but to accept the request, once the oil producer sent its wish?'' said Hirofumi Kawachi, an analyst at Mizuho Investors Securities Co. in Tokyo. ``The tensions between the U.S. and Iran are escalating, and it's Iran's measure to hedge risk.''

A spokesman for Iran's oil ministry in Tehran said he could neither confirm nor deny that the letter had been sent. Most Japanese oil refiners have until now used U.S. dollars to pay Iran for oil, said the spokesman, who declined to be identified by name because of government policy.

Yen Advances

The yen advanced to 122.07 per dollar at 2:30 p.m. in New York, from 122.42 late yesterday.

Iran is cutting its U.S. dollar reserves to less than 20 percent of total foreign currency holdings, and will buy more euros and yen as tensions with the U.S. increase, Central Bank Governor Ebrahim Sheibany said on March 27.

Full story