Friday, December 23, 2005

The Real Muppet Story

I am heading out soon to my rents for Christmas. I'll be gone until after the new year, so I don't know if I will be posting anything before then. I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year.

But before I leave, I wanted to blog on something that is very disturbing to me and has been getting little to no news coverage on the MSM. This is about the muppet pelt market that is decimating the cuddly and lovable creatures.

This Christmas season, Muppet skin clothing seems to be in more demand than ever. There are many international treaties regulating muppet pelts, but because they are widely ignored, muppet numbers are reaching all time lows. If nothing is done soon, we may drive muppets into extinction.

I have chronicled the muppet skin trade in the city of New York. You can find scarves, hats and gloves made from these adorable creatures on almost every street corner.

These colorful muppet skins didn't must magically appear. They came from living, breathing, beautiful muppets.

Imagine the number of Fozies that are butchered each year to keep your hands warm. Is pleather really that bad?

But, the market for muppets is not limited to the seamy street merchants selling their wares on Canal Street, along side bootleg purses. You can also find them in all the major retail stores. The above Cookie Monster hide jacket was being sold in Bloomingdales for $1300.

The above boots, made from the hide of the endangered albino Snuffaluphagus were also being sold in the open for a mere $400 at Macy's.

Every once in a while, the NYC police will pay lip service to the international laws banning the sale of endangered muppets. These two disgusting profiteers were busted for selling Gonzo nose, which is believed to be a strong aphrodisiac in many far east cultures. Sadly, not even the whole Gonzo is used. Only the nose is sold.

These New York elitist are out for a Sunday afternoon muppet hunt. They consider it a sport to track down muppets in central park and drive them to a point of exhaustion, where they fall and their stuffing is torn from them by a pack of hounds. This practice is the most inhumane expression of our fascination with hunting muppets.

Look at these poor muppets hiding for their lives. Does this look like "sport" for them? I don't think so.

These lucky muppets survived this round. The riders didn't see them, and the hounds did not pick up the sent of fear and polyester. But chances are, these two won't me so lucky next time. The clock is ticking. Their time is short.

So, as you celebrate the holidays with friends and family, if you are giving the gift of muppet this year, whether in the form of scarves or jackets, think of the intolerable cruelty you are buying into. Think of the muppets! Take back anything muppet skin you bought this year and tell the seller you want your money back... That you will not be party to this disgusting practice. Together, we can end this most barbaric practice.


Ilana said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! That was great! =D

Mark said...

My God, this is terrible. Is there a society or something that is protecting them. Maybe the President needs to know about this so he can fight a war for freedom for Muppets (do the muppets live on land that has oil, or is very beautiful and requires polluting?)

Good post.

Have a great Christmas


Cylithria™ said...

OMG That was great!!! Merry Christmas Dingo and I hope your time at your rents was excellent

kuhnkat said...

Very creative, and funny too.

Saw a post by you claiming that the existence of Israel and the issues with the west bank should be separated.

Research the history of Palestine from the Balfour Treaty (about 1918) till the present and then get back to me.

We will then have a basis for discussing whether they should be separated or not.

Here is a really good resource if you don't know where to look:

PS: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a Jew, Zionist, Hebrew...


MonicaR said...

VERY funny! (even if you ARE a lefty!) ;-)

Pedro said...

Knowing is half the battle. Together we can make a difference.