Quips, Quotes and Lies

BUSH: Each situation is different, Robin. And obviously we hope that diplomacy works before you ever use force.

Clinton diplomacy was working. Saddam had no weapons of mass distruction. You didn't give it a chance to work. In fact, you made the inspectors leave while doing there job.

BUSH: You remember the last debate? My opponent said that America must pass a global test before we used force to protect ourselves. That's the kind of mindset that says sanctions were working. Saddam Hussein was a threat because he could have given weapons of mass destruction to terrorist enemies. Sanctions were not working. The United Nations was not effective at removing Saddam Hussein.

Were you not reading the same report as us? They were working. And what weapons was Saddam going to give to the terrorists? His arsenal of spit balls? HE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING. Additionally, it was not the goal of the UN to remove Saddam. The UN goal was to keep WMDs out of his hands.

BUSH: First of all, we didn't find out he didn't have weapons until we got there.

But we would have known if you let the inspectors finish their job. They inspect... Thus the title inspectors... it is a tough concept to grasp, but give it a try.

BUSH: That answer almost made me want to scowl.

Your answers make me want to run screaming into the hills.

BUSH: I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft.

On the "internets"? do you even know how to turn a computer on?

BUSH: We don't need mass armies anymore.

Umm... Iraq? Seems like we need a mass army there

BUSH: Listen, we'll do everything we can to protect the homeland.

Except protect the ports, airplanes, open borders.

BUSH: I haven't yet. Just want to make sure they're safe. When a drug comes in from Canada, I want to make sure it cures you and doesn't kill you.

Yes, you would prefer that our seniors die from only being able to afford a third of the medication they need to survive.

BUSH: If they're safe, they're coming. I want to remind you that it wasn't just my administration that made the decision on safety.

Well, I have been hearing of mass Canadian deaths from the American drugs they import from our country... And as for the decision, yes, it has been your decision for the past 4 years.


BUSH: Let me see where to start here. First, the National Journal named Sen. Kennedy [sic] the most liberal senator of all. And that's saying something in that bunch. You might say that took a lot of hard work.

Where should I start. The National Journal, a conservative publication, is being misrepresented by you. If you look at Kennedy's - sorry - Kerry's record over the past 4 years, he is actually 11th our of 49. Edwards is part of the moderate wing of the Democratic party. Try reading down past the first paragraph Mr. Bush.

BUSH: He's just not credible when he talks about being fiscally conservative. He's just not credible. If you look at his record in the Senate

Lets look at your record. You turned the largest surplus into the largest deficit in the history of the world. Your spending is out of control. Hello, kettle...

BUSH: And of course he's going to raise your taxes. You see, he's proposed $2.2 trillion of new spending. And you say: Well, how are you going to pay for it?

Well, how are you going to pay for it? The tooth fairy?

BUSH: I mean, these aren't make-up figures.

Please, please, please learn how to speak English. I'm dyslexic and I am getter at it than you.

BUSH: I've got a plan to increase the wetlands by 3 million.

By 3 million what? Centimeters? Inches? I know it is not acres. The only way you could do that is by reclassifying what a wetland is so we could loose millions of acres and you could still claim credit for saving them... Oh, wait... that is what you did... sorry, my bad.

BUSH: What happens in those forests, because of lousy federal policy, is they grow to be -- they are not -- they're not harvested.

Harvested? Is that the new term for clear cut? kind of like "clear skies" really means clearing the skies of all living creatures?

BUSH: That's why I proposed a hydrogen automobile -- hydrogen-generated automobile.

Is this kind of like Gore inventing the internet?

BUSH: It's one of these deals where, in order to be popular in the halls of Europe, you sign a treaty. But I thought it would cost a lot I think there's a better way to do it.

No, you sign it so Florida and Louisiana are still states in 50 years. And if there is a better way of doing it, why have you not done ANYTHING!

BUSH: And I just told you the facts, sir. The quality of the air is cleaner since I've been the president of the United States.

Not according to your EPA.

BUSH: I own a timber company?

Yes, you did. $86 dollars worth, making you a small business by your own standards.

BUSH: Every action being taken against terrorists requires court order, requires scrutiny.

No, actually, the PATRIOT act pretty much gives judges very little discretion as to whether to sign a search warrant. Read, learn, understand...

BUSH: Embryonic stem-cell research requires the destruction of life to create a stem cell.

If life is so important to you, then why do you get so giddy about executing retarded people?

BUSH: The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off.

What? Are you admitting the would would be better off if Kerry was president? I thought you said before it wouldn't be... FLIP-FLOPPER! FLIP FLOPPER!